4:38 am, somehow i don't feel like going back to sleep, my mind travels between watching a movie or listening to music. I choose music, and my mind continues its random travels, until it stops at an article link someone sent me a few days ago. i have not read it in depth, but the title has stayed with me: do you have 18 minutes every day for poetry? How long have i not read poetry even once a week? i dare not calculate.
It is pitch darkness outside, peaceful chopin inside. I read pablo neruda.
And I came across this poem, his soneto xvii, sonnet no. 17:
No te como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.
Te amo sin saber como, ni cuándo, ni de donde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.
i could have sent you one of its english translations by others, the professional translators, but somehow, after reading a few different versions in this half awake half asleep state, i feel like doing it again.
I love you not,
as if you were the rose of salt,
the stone of topaz,
or the arrow of carnations that shoot off fire.
I love you like one loves certain obscure things,
between the shadow and the soul.
I love you,
as the plant that does not bloom,
carrying within it, hidden,
the light of those flowers.
and thanks to your love,
there live in my body, darkly,
this dense aroma that arise from the earth.
I love you without knowing how,
no why or where from.
I love you directly,
no problems, no pride:
I love you thus since I do not know
how to love any other way.
Only that in this manner,
I am no longer me,
you are no longer you.
we are so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes are closed
with my dream.
What is rosa de sal, rose of salt, do you think? Perhaps he means rose of sea? Does something like sea rose exist? And el apretado aroma, the dense aroma? Neruda's words are so hauntingly mesmerizing that i feel like staying in them, just a little bit longer.
I read him, translate him and write to you all with company of Chopin nocturnes, perhaps you would like to try, if only just no. 17.
from thousands of miles away,
Thanks again for the beautiful silk scarf, I have been using it quite a few times as waist band or headscarf, but I will have to wait until autumn to really use it as a scarf:).
I have not been doing much recently, other than wondering around and thinking about the website I am creating. I found thinking is so draining that it does't leave me much energy for anything else. Maybe I am just looking for excuse for my laziness.
I did read a few books, mostly biographies: In the name of Gucci by Patricia Gucci which I enjoyed a lot, The Virgin Way by Richard Branson which is only good for the first part, Jean Renoir: Projections of Paradise by Ronald Bergan, which I have not finished and do not know if I want to, it is so pretentious and nothing more than a dry list of names and events.
But one book I enjoyed immensely, and made me fall in love again with Herman Hesse: Demian. I still do not know how to describe it, not to you, not to myself, I could only say that while reading it, I felt as if my body and soul were both sucked into the story, that when it ended, I felt exhausted, empty. I think it's the best gift I gave myself this year.
A few days ago I went to the modista Carmen (they sometimes use costurera, sometimes modista here in Spain, which both mean seamstress. I like modista, it's easier to pronounce, shorter to write and has a more crispy felling on the tongue.). Before leaving for Italy, I left a black linen skirt with her for alteration, because I gained some weight after she had made it for me.
But she refused to make the alteration, she suggested that I leave the skirt there, and if the waist was still too small after I came back, she would make the alteration.
-And besides, summer is coming, you'll perhaps lose a little bit weight because of the heat.
She added. And I conceded.
How wise is She!
Because of the weight I lost while in Italy, the waist now fits perfectly. When I tried it on, she smiled, and gave me a "I told you so" look. I smiled back, with lots of gratitude and wonder: I found almost all of the Spanish modistas I have worked with have some treasure wisdom hidden behind their atelier table.
Of course there is another reason why dear Carmen was not willing to do the alteration. I have had her made the waist exactly like I wanted: very high waist, no waist band, and the interface sewn completely by hand in a very smart way, so nothing is flapping and no seaming is seen from outside. She was very proud of what she has done, and so have I. And she still has that craftsman's sensitivity that she will get hurt if she has to destroy what she has done beautifully to redo it, not due to her own fault. I must admit I actually felt somewhat regretful about my insensitive request.
I showed Carmen one of the red linen fabric I bought in Italy with her, planning to make another dress which can be worn on both sides, she understood my very bad sketch, so hopefully this time it will turn out better than the white one I have made by another modista. That one did not perform well as I have hoped, especially for traveling, so i will have to make another one.
Yes, I know what you are going to say again: But it all seems so complicated! It's true, and very frustrating too at times, their working times, my very bad drawings, their general unwillingness to try any different technique, etc. But I still believe it worth a try. I hate the ready made clothes nowadays so much that I think I will have everything custom made from now on, even the swimming suit. I have bought the fabrics and trims, but unfortunately am still looking for the right modista to make it for me. None of them are willing to take the risk, telling me their machines can not handle such stretchy fabrics or can not make the correct seem finishing, even I after I told them I was quite prepared to waste both money and fabric.
These Spanish women!
1. Lino guanciale: the dandy
He is what I think a prince should look like from the moment I saw him in Elisa di Rivombrosa, Obviously the Italian producers think the same: he is prince again in la Bella e la beastia and Il vicere, even in a modern tv series like tango per liberta, he plays a princely diplomatically figure.
He has an inborn nobility that shows when he speaks, smiles, and moves, even if he is supposed to be a "beast".
3. antonio cupo: architypo italiano
His nationality is not even Italian, but the gene certainly is. Curly black hair, large and intense eye, thickly woven and beautifully shaped browns, sensual lips, tall and straight nose.
he can look classic and modern, but always expressive, always engaging.
4&5: The two Lucas: luca ward and luca capuano
the first Italian tv series I watched la tre rose di Eva (it is being translated as tuscany passion) is full of passion and beautiful men. My two favorites are both named Luca and both bad guys in the series: Luca Ward and Luca Capuano.
The way he moves is immensely sensual yet with a inner grace. And that grace maintained when he plays the Duke Ranieri in elisa di rivombrossa, although a bad man again.
He plays a selfish bad boy with bad taste of women but a very good taste of style. He looks good in almost anything, even in bad shaped jeans. Like Luca Ward, he knows how to move sensually without making any effort.
6. Giuseppe Zeno the gentleman
the first time i saw him in italian tv series il paradiso della signore, he did not strike me as elegant, just gentleman. Then, as the plot develops and the camera closes in, his charm and charisma blossom. Still a gentleman, but with more variety.
7. alessandro tersigni the playboy
I first found him also in the unavoidable il tre rose di eva where he plays someone who just loves, loves, in silence. Then in il paradiso della signore, he transforms into a pleasure seeking professional with capacity of deep feelings. His outfit has also changed accordingly from something more discreet to something louder, fun, but doubtless impeccable.
8. giorgio lupano: the peter pan
paura di amare is perhaps my first encounter with Italian tv series, in which I did not understand anything but "ciao"and "buongiorno", but I kept watching it, and my favorite scene was when stephano (played by giorgio lupano) played electrical guitar on stage in a disco full of teenagers, in an evening coat with loosened black bow tie.
there is something endearing about the way he smiles, timid and shy, like an eternal boy living in a mature body. And it seems he only needs two things: a white shirt and a black jacket to look elegant.